Are you still there?
by ByakuyasMistress
Summary: He loved her but denied it every chance he got. It's too late now to tell her since she died in his arms...Or is it? Can he heal? She cannot leave him until he lets her go. Can he let go? Will he learn to live in the present and not the past? Will he learn that she heard his whispered confessions of love before she died? KenpachixOlderYachiru Please READ and REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! My second story here! I'm not sure how I feel about it so I need some reviews to tell me whether or not I should continue...I have a thing for Kenpachi and an older version of Yachiru. They are so perfect for each other and just complement each other to no end. Please read and review because without reviews I won't continue and plus the reviews make me feel luffed! **

**-strokes ego-**

**Just a reach into my mind for your sake...italics is the character speaking in their own mind, bold is Yachiru's point of view and bold italics is Yachiru speaking; she is deceased and no one can hear her or so she thinks...DUN DUN DUN!**

**Oh, and this story is from Kenpachi's point of view except for when Yachiru is momentarily in the picture then it's bold!**

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"Are you still here? I wonder. Your tombstone is pressed against my cheek. Your name, now indented into the side of my face. Can you hear me? I speak to you. Everyday. Tell you my problems and pray for an answer. An answer that never comes. Are you happy? Is it true what they say? Is there a life after this? Will I see you again? "

~Mary Mouse

It seems as if I have known her forever...but I feel as if I could count our time together on one hand. Just five fingers...How could it be this way? Our years together to amount to so little. At least I could now admit to myself that I loved her...that I still love her. I denied it publicly and to myself ever since she had matured into the beautiful young woman that she was. It took her dying in my arms for me to tell her...

I remember it like it was yesterday...

'She had been very sick for two months but seemed to be recovering. She and I were sparring for the first time since she had taken ill. I was actually taking it easy on her and I never took it easy on anyone. She was giggling and teasing me like always. Even though her body had grown and matured she still loved to play. She had just punched me clean in the nose when she started to cough. Her eyes went wide as she drew her hand away from her mouth and it was soaked in bright red blood. "Yachi..." I started to say her name as her eyes rolled up into her head and she began to collapse. I caught her in my arms just before she crashed into the concrete. I held her close to my chest as I began to flash step towards the Fourth Squad's hospital building. '

_Days passed..._

She never woke up again. I only hope she heard my last whispered words as I held her close and she died. Those words echo inside my mind even now...

"_I love you Yachiru Kusajishi...Please don't leave me...I cannot go on without you..._"

Her breath hitched at that moment...She drew in a deep breath and exhaled...

Her last breath.

I tightened my grip on her as my arms failed me, they began to tremble. There was this ear piercing keening going on in the room...It was me. I wasn't even aware I was screaming my heartbreak.

That was 2 years ago...Today

As always on this date; I sit with the blinds closed in complete darkness, her lieutenant armband on my wrist...Her Zanpakato across my lap. I close my eyes and pretend she's still here...

**I watch him. He is in a state of constant mourning, I don't believe he will ever get over my death. My vision flickers a bit, I don't have much time left...I step in front of him and run my hand across his cheek and I whisper his name.**

_**"Kenpachi..."**_

**My spirits flame goes out...I am surrounded by darkness again.**

There is a feeling like a butterflies whispering touch on my cheek and I hear my name...it sounded like...her...

I jump up, my eyes whipping open as I search for her. "Yachiru?!" I yell...No answer.

I felt her.

I know she is here.

I just have to find her...

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**Sorry for the cliffhanger I had no choice! Zaraki made me do it! I swear! Please R&R...I really want to finish this now that I wrote this much...What do you think I should do?**

**~^~MiZ~^~**


	2. Chapter 2

**~Here we are again! Chapter 2! I wasn't sure how I was feeling about this story but the outpouring of love I've received from Chapter 1 has got me going again! Thank you to Destiny and JMJ for the comments I HEART YOU GUYS! Thanks also to the followers and those who favorite-d me and my story! You inspire me! Hopefully I can generate some more comments this time around because truly without feedback and love I feel like I may write for no reason...Please review? ^_^ **

**Again I apologize for the cliff hangers but I have to leave you wanting more...Don't I?**

**I forgot to say this last time I DO NOT OWN BLEACH OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS, if I did I wouldn't leave my couch! **

**Don't forget; Bold is Yachiru's point of view, bold and italics is her speech, regular type is Kenpachi's point of view, in quotations is his out loud speech and regular italics is his thoughts...Oh yeah and Yachiru can perceive his thoughts!**

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**"Why did you leave me? When you took your laughter and departed. Are you aware that with you went the sun, all light and what few stars there were?"**

**-Mari Evans**

Had I really felt it?

Or was it my imagination again?

When the heart and soul want something so much you begin to see things that don't exist...I mean, this is THE life after life. There couldn't possibly be anything after this...

_'Could there...? _

_I'm really losing it, I swear.'_

I lay down on my hard cot and close my eyes drifting to sleep.

**The darkness that engulfed me began to pulse and vibrate with a pale yellow energy and I knew he had fallen asleep. It was the only time his spiritual energy could invade my senses. The timing was perfect so I began to construct the place we would meet for what I hoped would be the ****last**** time.**

'I was walking through a dense fog that was growing lighter until it finally disappeared. I knew where I was almost immediately. There were bodies and blood everywhere.

_She found me here...This is where my life gained its meaning..._

_Why am I here?_

My voice cracks in my head. I don't know why I put myself through this every time.

_It should have been me..._

I cover my face with my hands as I shudder at my own thoughts.

One of my bells begins to tinkle...

**I've been listening to him blame himself for too long. I raise my spirit energy just enough to make my favorite bell in his hair jingle.**

_**"You did not choose this scene Kenny...I did."**_

At the sound of her voice I jump and my heart begins to hammer in my chest. She was standing by the edge of the clearing; her hair was pinker then ever; her eyes bright. She had a shimmer of light outlining her from the scenery; A ghost of a smile on her lips.

"You can't really be here...You're...You're..."

_**"Dead...Yeah, I know. I'm supposed to be resting peacefully but I can't..."**_

Hearing her musical voice and having her before me after 2 years is amazing me and killing me all at once. I want to touch her, to feel her...At the same time I want to rip my heart out so I can't feel the searing agony being pumped throughout my body.

_**"You can't touch me Kenny. I'm not a physical being. I'm here because we need to talk..."**_

" This can't be happening! You're gone Yachiru! I must finally be truly losing it! This can't be real." I half mutter to no one in particular.

I put my hands on my head tightening my grip on my hair giving it a slight tug trying to wake myself up.

_'How can this be happening? How can I do this to myself time and time again!'_

_**"Must I repeat myself...? You are doing nothing. This is all my design. You are physically asleep, consider this your inner world love. You can't leave until we talk...Although I can't perceive how long I can hold this dimension intact...I only have so much energy. Listen closely, you have to let me go Kenny...You have too! I can't rest until you have let me go...You are keeping me here...Keeping me from peace."**_

I fall to my knees. I feel as if I have had my rusty and jagged Zanpakato shoved straight into my heart. A gut wrenching sob escapes my tightened lips as I have to blink away the tears beginning to collect in my peripheral vision. I try to hide behind anger!

"How can your peace have anything to do with me? How dare you try to blame me! Don't I do that enough myself? This is why I never wanted to get close to anyone! I do not want these emotions! I never wanted to feel! You have DESTROYED me!"

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**Oh no! Another cliffy! I almost wonder what is going to happen myself! It's become so angst-y and heart wrenching. This whirlwind of emotions flowing through me as I wrote this chapter made me want to cry and scream. Please review...I need the comments, I really do!**

**~MiZ~**


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